


The Adventures of Illya and Elizabeth Part 1

by khelbing



Series: The Adventures of Illya and Elizabeth [1]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:09:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26911933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khelbing/pseuds/khelbing
Summary: How Illya Kuryakin and Elizabeth Darrow met, Napoleon helps them with THRUSH
Relationships: how they met mostly from Napoleon's point of view
Series: The Adventures of Illya and Elizabeth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1963624
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	The Adventures of Illya and Elizabeth Part 1

The Adventures of Illya and E. M. Darrow

“So tell me again, Mr. Solo, what is going on here.”

“You’ve read the document Mr. Kuryakin sent on Monday?”

“Yes, and I tell you now, I think it’s a terrible joke!”

“I only wish it were,” Napoleon said drily.

“Well, we agreed to a truce, so explain this to me!” John Bledsoe, the THRUSH equivalent to Napoleon Solo, was very irritated.

Napoleon said slowly, “I can tell you what happened, what series of events led to that document, but I can no more explain it than I can explain quantum mechanics.”

“An interesting choice.”

“Yes, but you must agree, relevant.”

“All right, then. Tell me.”

Napoleon leaned back in the chair, noting that there were at least three cameras, recording he presumed, and thought, ‘the things I do for friends.’

“It started eight weeks ago when we were investigating that phony Anastasia you set up in Michigan.” Napoleon saw that Bledsoe was going to deny the phony and he said calmly, “If you interrupt me, we’re never going to get done. You know Dr. Darrow and Illya are both waiting to talk to you, so this will go better if you just listen.” He paused then added with a small smile, “Like I had to.”

At Bledsoe’s hand motion, Napoleon continued. “Well, we had the Fabergé Egg and Illya thought it was a real one but he wanted an expert opinion. I pointed out that it would be hard to get an ‘expert opinion’ where we were and then he said ‘university.’ Two hours later we were directed to the office of E.M. Darrow, the university’s Russian expert. When we entered Dr. Darrow’s office, we found a woman on the top step of a step stool, getting down a book.”

Bledsoe again motioned for Napoleon to go on. “Now I’ll admit it is chauvinist, but we both assumed that E. M. Darrow would be a man, and I presumed that this lady was a secretary. Before I could put my foot in it, Illya pointed out a framed degree from Harvard. He grasped it, as it were, and lifted his hand to help her down the step stool. He was at knee level, so to speak. Dr. Darrow thanked him and climbed down. I don’t think it’s being disrespectful to say that both my partner and I noticed that she has great legs. He also noticed the PhD, though.”

“Then what happened?”

“I introduced us and gave her the standard spiel about UNCLE and then Illya told her that we had a Fabergé Egg and wanted an expert opinion on if it was real or not. I told her we’d be grateful for any help she could give us.

“Illya then explained to her about this woman claiming to be Anastasia and then she said she wanted to join the ‘Grand Duchess of the Month club,’ and that was the last I got in for the next two hours.”

Bledsoe stared in amazement. “Kuryakin was talking?”

“When she wasn’t. He showed her the egg and she said she had held one, once. So Illya handed it to her and he pulled out his jeweler’s loupe and they both stared at it for a while, talking to each other all the time. Then she said that she thought it was real, and that she had a picture of Alexandra Feodorovna with that very egg and that she would have to go down the hall to pull it. When she got up to leave, Illya got up and so I did, too. He looked at me and said ‘I think I’m in love.’”

“He wasn’t kidding?”

“Well, I thought he was at the time, but then she came back in with a huge, ancient book, and there they were, staring at that egg and staring at that picture and then Illya said, ‘it’s real. Thank you.” Here Napoleon paused, because the next part of this story always mystified him, even though Illya had explained it several times.

“Then?” Bledsoe urged him on and Napoleon reflected again that genuine happy things were so very rare in their world.

“Well, like I said, Illya said ‘thank you,’ and she smiled over at him and said, straight faced, ‘I serve the Soviet people.’ Illya had the weirdest expression on his face, and then he burst out laughing.”

“Laughing? Kuryakin?”

“I know. It’s a joke. I still don’t really get it, but the point is, they got it. Then Illya said something about the Great Harry and she said something about Cromwell and then Illya said, perfectly deadpan, ‘I serve the English people,’ and then she started laughing.”

“What’s the Great Harry?” Bledsoe had latched on to the least important part of the story.

“It’s a jewel that belonged to the Tudors. The point here, Mr. Bledsoe, is that they knew each other less than an hour and were cracking weird, academic jokes to each other.”

“And they want to get married? I thought that was absolutely against your policies. I know it is ours.”

“Yes, I know and that’s why Illya created that document you have before you.”

“Document? It’s a book!”

Napoleon smiled. “It might be more relevant to call it a joint dissertation. I think it covers pretty thoroughly what she is willing to do. No travelling outside of a fifty-mile radius without a month’s warning. Outside of that radius, all meetings will be reported to THRUSH New York ‘thirty days prior to said meeting,’” Napoleon finished quoting the document.

“But he wants a free pass. We can’t allow that.”

“He only wants a free pass within that fifty-mile radius. And you are given the opportunity to say yea or nay.”

“Well, what do you think?”

“I think it is insane and I have told him so. I have told her so and I have told them so. As has Mr. Waverly. But then he met E. M. Darrow and I think he’s kind of sweet on her. So he told Illya if you agree to this, he’ll waive the no marriage rule.”

“What? Why?”

“Because he only has two years to go, but we’ve already agreed that he’s coming out of the field when I do. I only hope he’ll stay with UNCLE.”

“Does she understand the work?”

“She says she does. And she’s seen his body.”

“What?”

“Scars.”

“Oh, yes. Well what do you think?” Bledsoe repeated.

“Well, I still think it’s insane, but when I sit in the room with the two of them, I am humbled.”

“That’s not a word I think of when I think of Napoleon Solo.”

“Well, thank you, but you have never sat in a student union or a restaurant with Dr. Kuryakin and Dr. Darrow shooting the breeze. It is no exaggeration to say that their combined brain power would be over 350 on the IQ scale. She’s got a masters in cultural anthropology from Princeton, he’s got one in I don’t know what from the Sorbonne. She’s got a PhD in Russian and Soviet studies from Harvard and he’s got one from Cambridge in quantum mechanics. She speaks three languages and God only knows how many he speaks.” Napoleon paused for a moment, then continued. “And don’t get him started on how hard it was for her as a woman to get those degrees. He says she should be teaching at Stanford or some place like that but that because she is a woman, she had to take Carston University.”

“I hadn’t thought about that, but I’m sure he is right.”

“Illya said their children will rule the world and I am fairly certain he was joking.”

“Kuryakin doesn’t make jokes.”

“I know.”

“He also said they’d probably be short.”

“That I can believe.”

“Are you going to allow it?”

“Why is he so hot to get married? I mean, from what I have read here,” Bledsoe tapped the three-ring binder in front of him, “it’s not going to much of a marriage. They won’t see each other more than eight or ten times a year, and she’s stuck in that flyover town.”

“I think it’s the oldest reason in the world. They are in love; I was there, I saw it.”

“Does she understand that breaking any of these conditions, if I agree to it, puts a massive target on her back?”

“She says she does, and she’s not stupid. That’s all I can go by.”

“Well, let me meet the happy couple.”


End file.
